Showing posts with label breastfeeding. Show all posts
Showing posts with label breastfeeding. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Breastfeeding Beyond World Breastfeeding Week
Breastfeeding's on my brain. This past week has been World Breastfeeding Week celebrated this year from August 1st to August 7th. I feel a little guilty because I feel like I should be out there in public with a sign touting breastfeeding this week, but in the mom zone sometimes I just can't add one more thing to my life to organize and get together. And I don't even have a breastfeeding baby to tote along any more for all the Latch-Ons that are being organized.
My efforts to help mothers succeed at breastfeeding come from leading monthly breastfeeding support meetings, helping and supporting moms on the phone and through my childbirth education classes. Education and correct information help pave the way to successful breastfeeding, but the most crucial element is support. Each mother that I work with I can offer support to and by doing so help to her achieve her breastfeeding goals. So, I work quietly behind the scenes helping one-on-one.
I am disheartened by the current breastfeeding rates. When I read on the World Breastfeeding Week page that according to UNICEF's State of the World's Children Report 2011 only 32.7% of 136.7 million babies are exclusively breastfed in the first six months, I felt shocked. For the United States specifically, our report card is pretty lame -- only 14.8% of our babies are breastfed exclusively for the first six months. Here in California, the rates go up to a whopping 25.7%. We're double the national rate, but still way below where we need to be for our children. Only a quarter of our CA babies still breastfeeding exclusively at six months? This actually meets the Healthy People 2020 Breastfeeding Objectives - but why is the goal so low?
I feel passionately about the importance of breastfeeding. Yes, I know that breastfeeding has incredible health benefits for both the mother and the baby. Yes, I know that breastfeeding is good for the environment. Yes, I know that breast milk is the baby's normal food and that formula is better looked upon as a medicine to be used only when its truly needed. Yes, I know that breastfed babies generally have higher IQ's. I know that breastfeeding has many benefits.
Yet, the main reason I feel passionately about breastfeeding is for a reason that can't necessarily be measured in concrete terms. For me the real power of breastfeeding lies in the strength of connection and the sense of wholeness breastfeeding gives to each new little person born into to this world. A breastfeeding baby is living his biologically correct destiny -- he is designed to breastfeed. Breastfeeding meets his needs for food, for comfort and for connection. Breastfeeding fulfills his efforts at communicating; the breastfeeding mother who responds to her baby, nurses her baby, and holds her baby in her arms enables her child to feel wholly understood. A baby (or child) who feels understood feels good about himself and at peace with the world.
This is a depth of communication between a mother and her infant that can only be found through the act of breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is an intricate dance of mutual and reciprocal communication between mother and child. I suppose that would fall under the title heading of "bonding', which I hesitate to use here because it's not specific enough; it's easy for some to minimize breastfeeding's necessity in this role; certainly there are other ways of bonding besides breastfeeding. But the breastfeeding relationship is a very specific form of communication that is different from any other.
Part of feeling deeply attached to another person lies in good communication; for babies, good communication -- which lays the foundation for the baby's sense of self -- starts with breastfeeding. Biologically and emotionally a baby needs to breastfeed. When he is in a mutually responsive breastfeeding relationship, he learns that he has the power to make things happen; his attempts at communicating with mother, the sun at the center of his universe, are fulfilled and he feels good. The world needs more children who feel understood, at peace and good.
When a mother chooses not to breastfeed or weans her baby prematurely (which I would consider six months to be) she closes a door of communication. She breaks connection. She looses a tool that cultivates sensitivity and attunement that can help her communicate best with her child. Her child's best way of communicating and getting his needs met has been unplugged. His need for her can more easily be diverted to a less satisfying object like a bottle or pacifier; a bottle or pacifier can make it easier for the mother to focus on other things rather than holding her baby in her arms and connecting to him. It can make it more likely that she will be less sensitive to his needs and helping him develop a good sense of self which is found through positive interaction with her.
Breastfeeding reminds the mother to stay in communication with her baby. When the mother is exclusively breastfeeding there is no denying that she is essential to her baby -- she is the only one who can meet her baby's needs to connect and communicate in this very specific way that is so essential to his well-being. She is the only one who can empower him fully in this way, laying the groundwork for a healthy and balanced human being.
I nursed both my daughters for many years. This breastfeeding relationship was essential in helping me to understand my daughters' needs and to respond to them; I developed a more highly-tuned sensitivity to their needs and a deep level of communicating with them. In doing so, I helped them to develop a strong sense of themselves. I am not sure why I nursed so long (it certainly wasn't a goal of mine), except that it seemed to be important to them and I trusted that if they felt they needed to nurse, then it must be essential for their development. I know without a doubt that our relationship and their sense of self would have been much different without breastfeeding.
I do not blame or look down on mothers who nurse for less time. I understand that our society is very hostile to breastfeeding and makes it difficult. I understand our birth practices in the United States make it challenging for mothers and babies right from the get go. I know that formula marketing and the formula companies' priorities of putting profits before human health undermine breastfeeding. I understand that many families lack enough support after having a child to help them succeed at breastfeeding. Don't even get me started about the lack of maternity leave for our new mothers. I understand that there are many obstacles.
Yet, this understanding this does not make me feel less sad for the babies who are not being breastfed or are breastfed for only a very short time. This is doing a disservice to our children - a disservice to our future. This is doing a disservice to mothers who also can feel a great sense of empowerment at their ability to provide for their children's needs at their breast. Not breastfeeding is a loss all around on many levels.
Our babies need the sense of peace and well-being that the act of nursing at their mother's breast provides. Our babies need this essential act of communication that can help foster a heightened level of sensitivity that is found in the breastfeeding mother. Our world needs children who feel understood and who approach the world with openness and peace; in order to understand and feel empathy, our children need to experience it first -- experience it at the breast. We need to find a way to keep the doors of this vital form of communication open for our mothers and babies.
Today, World Breastfeeding Week ends, but each and every day it is our responsibility to help our sisters, our daughters, our neighbors and yes, even our enemies, to achieve breastfeeding success. This is the one of surest ways we can bring a balanced sense of self to our children -- helping them become persons with a strong and healthy sense of self balanced with empathy and understanding. Persons who can work on healing and restoring balance to our world. Persons who understand the value of life.
So today or tomorrow, whenever you next have the to blessing to witness a mother nursing her baby, give her an encouraging smile, a wink or even two thumbs up. Let's let mothers know we support and value their efforts.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Sharing Sleep: A Bad Habit?
Are you worried about nursing your baby or toddler to sleep? Wondering if your child is ever going to sleep on his own? Are you being bombarded with dire warnings that your kid will never go to sleep on her own and will develop bad sleep habits if you help her to get sleep each night or bed-share?
It's overwhelming, I know. This is one of foremost hot topics I hear at breastfeeding support meetings - worry about whether frequent infant waking is normal or healthy, fear that nursing a baby or toddler to sleep creates "bad habits", and pressure from all sides of the "necessity" of getting infants/children to "sleep through the night" by themselves. Often mothers will have read some sleep guru's warning of horrible future consequences in their child's sleep habits and social and intellectual development if they nurse or comfort their child to sleep.
All I can say about that is...hogwash. These sleep "experts" who try to scare parents into not meeting their baby's and children's very real needs to be near their parents (especially their mother) very likely have no experience in the natural course of nursing and child development. Did these "experts" actually have the experience of nursing their child to sleep only to discover that their child never would stop? Never is a very long time and I'll go out on a limb here and say that the answer is probably not (and I bet they most likely did not breastfeed for long anyways, if at all). Did these "experts"' actually have the experience of comforting their children to sleep for years only to find out that they had to continue this same ritual all throughout adolescence and then maybe were faced with the fearsome possibility of having to share a dorm room with their offspring in order to comfort them to sleep during the college years? I highly doubt it. How many kids have they actually known who were comforted without limits until they outgrew the need that actually displayed the horrendous outcomes they predict? I bet they haven't met any. And if they don't have the personal experience with the supposed bad outcomes from actually doing what they are warning against - how does their argument even hold any merit? It doesn't, because they really don't know. The scenarios they warn about are driven by their imaginations and fears, based on pedagogical theories not experience. I highly doubt that their "expert" advice is based on any clinical trials, either. What you are getting from them is a big, loud, obnoxious opinion with nothing real to back it up.
I highly doubt that they they have solid evidence behind these dire predictions because I happen to know from personal experience (and from knowing other parents with similar experiences) that if one does nothing (by which I mean one is not pro-active at all about trying to get the kid to go to sleep by himself, "sleep through the night", etc) but nurses the kids to sleep until they outgrow the need and also lets them bed-share for years and years that the kids do - lo and behold - eventually grow up, sleep the expected "through the night" ideal and actually want to have their own space. Really and truly your little limpet that seems as if she will never stray from your side (or breast!) will eventually sleep eight hour (or more!) stretches at a time. Not only that, but your child will eventually want their own sleep space in their own time. This could be at three or four years, it could be at twelve years. Heck if I know when that might be. Each child is unique and has their own biological rhythm so I can't say at what age this definitively occurs. I can only assure you that, indeed, it will.
I'll share my personal story because I do have experience following a more relaxed and natural course - I'm kind of on one of the far ends of the breastfeeding and bed-sharing nighttime continuum here in the U.S. (although I may not be at the very farthest end, believe it or not). I nursed each my two daughters for around six years. We have had all sorts of musical bed arrangements, child/adult bed-sharing the norm for us. My oldest daughter I gently weaned over time, but she still slept next to me to go to sleep even though she was weaned. My second daughter is the one with whom I have the experience of complete natural weaning with no encouragement or pressure from me; she nursed to sleep until just before her seventh birthday. For many years my kids were very frequent wakers (especially my oldest daughter, even after weaning). Eventually, all on their own by their own biological time-clocks, they slept longer and longer stretches; yes, my daughters do now "sleep through the night" - beautifully by the way - without any forcing at any time on our part. We have always had an open bed policy for our children - they are welcome into our family bed at any time. Yet they were very excited when we got bunk beds for their bedroom. My thirteen-year-old has been sleeping in her bunk for the last several years with only occasional visits to our room. I have noticed that in the last couple of years she has developed a really strong desire for her own space and a need for privacy; some nights she retires totally on her own and I have no idea she's gone to bed if she hasn't come to give me a kiss. This was not a goal - it just evolved over time. Kids really do grow up.
Now, I am in no way suggesting that anyone needs to nurse their kids until they are six plus years (that would be rather unrealistic, would it not?) - this just happened to unfold as part of my unique path which has allowed me to have a very full and varied experience of breastfeeding; and my kids happen to be on the far end of the nursing continuum (I wouldn't have believed anyone if they had told me I would nurse for that long and probably would have thought they were out of their mind if they had - in fact, when I first heard someone mentioning that their six-year-old still nursed when my first child was barely a year old I was completely disgusted; go figure.) I only share this experience with you because I am am sure many "experts" would have been shaking their heads and wagging their fingers with dire predictions for my daughters' future sleep habits, intellectual abilities and psychological soundness. Well, I am happy to report that all is more than well in our little household. My daughters have developed into loving, caring, intelligent and responsible human beings admired and well-loved by their peers and by other adults. So, I am glad I trusted my instincts and honored my daughters' needs.
Because I am a big believer in a mother following her instincts, I am not going to tell you exactly how you should put your kid to sleep, where your kid should sleep or how long to nurse, etc. I am not going to fill you with fear or dogma, but encourage you to follow your heart. Each family is unique with unique personalities, circumstances and needs. I do believe, though, that helping your child get to sleep can be found with methods that trust and respect the child and his needs. Methods that are gentle and loving. Actions that foster connection and positive communication. I think it helps for parents to know that it is absolutely normal for babies, young children and older children to want to be near their parents at night (and for babies and toddlers to want to nurse); there is nothing wrong with their child. Children are biologically wired to seek protection and safety during a time of vulnerability (of which sleeping is one.)
What really bothers and concerns me is that advisers abound who warn against comforting children to sleep and sharing sleep (these could be authors, sleep trainers, pediatricians, social workers, your mother-in-law or your neighbor); these same advisers like to point out how many hours a day a baby or child "should" sleep and give the impression that this type of sleep is to be solitary and achieved straight through like we expect of adults thereby inaccurately insinuating that your child has a "sleep problem" that needs to be "fixed." This is distorting facts. Babies do sleep a lot but at intervals throughout the day; babies are wired to want to sleep near their mothers and quite often will fall asleep after nursing - this is normal, not pathological. The wakeful sleep that infants have is also protective for their health as it may protect against SIDS. It is also normal for toddlers and young children to wake frequently at night and to seek the company of their parents (especially their mothers.) This is not pathological. There is nothing wrong with your child if your child is doing just as he was biologically designed. He will grow out of it. Truly. What is distorted are adult perceptions of what constitutes normal sleep for babies and children. The problem seems to be more one of attitude and ideology.
My blood especially boils when advisors use fear tactics to not only try to scare parents into not trusting their child's natural biological sleep patterns, but also to encourage parents to disengage from their child by ignoring their child's nighttime needs. Scaring parents from listening to their instincts and to their child's needs breaks positive and essential communication between the parent and child by undermining the very essence of healthy family relationships - trust, respect and love. I believe that we can trust our children when they tell us they need comforting to sleep and when they express their desire for our presence in the wee hours of the night. We can also respect their needs by finding a way to meet them. By doing this, we assure them that they are loved. We do not need to be afraid of love.
So does sleeping with your child create a bad habit? Well, let's put it this way: One man's trash is another man's treasure - or, it's all how you look at it. In our family, we are still very active in putting our youngest daughter to sleep. We still prepare her bath, brush and floss her teeth in the evening, read a story and lie next to her while she falls asleep. She wants us there while she falls asleep. I could view her desires as "manipulative"or as a "bad habit"; or I could just accept them at face value as her knowing what she needs to feel secure. Do I have to lie next to her to help her to fall asleep? No. I could just kiss her goodnight and stand firm that it's bed time right now and mommy has things to do. Actually, she's very understanding when I do have pressing things to do, but she prefers to have me or my husband there if at all possible. That's okay with us because we see how fleeting this time is. How this time is an opportunity to connect and bond with her. To find out secret dreams, listen to worries or hear confessions which seem to naturally arise during the moments before falling to sleep. My husband and I are very aware of how this time will one day not be there any more. We see it already with our adolescent - the time to connect in this specific way passes and that's it. That was your moment. So for us, no it's not a bad habit, but a wonderful good habit.
My life has been deeply enriched by meeting my daughters' nighttime needs. I understand my girls better and have a deeper connection with them because I chose to keep the lines of respect and communication open between us. My hope for other mothers and families is that they will trust their heart and trust their child. Children have all the information they need to grow well inside of them if we only would listen. We need listen during the day and we need to listen at night. This is a lot more work and sometimes inconvenient. But, in the end, our lives are made more whole by these experiences. They help give us wonderful relationships that are deep and rich as well as giving us precious memories to enjoy when our children grow beyond this time of intense need. Fear not the bad habit and doomsday predictions. Instead, enjoy the wonderful opportunity for creating a deep and lasting love in your life...
It's overwhelming, I know. This is one of foremost hot topics I hear at breastfeeding support meetings - worry about whether frequent infant waking is normal or healthy, fear that nursing a baby or toddler to sleep creates "bad habits", and pressure from all sides of the "necessity" of getting infants/children to "sleep through the night" by themselves. Often mothers will have read some sleep guru's warning of horrible future consequences in their child's sleep habits and social and intellectual development if they nurse or comfort their child to sleep.
All I can say about that is...hogwash. These sleep "experts" who try to scare parents into not meeting their baby's and children's very real needs to be near their parents (especially their mother) very likely have no experience in the natural course of nursing and child development. Did these "experts" actually have the experience of nursing their child to sleep only to discover that their child never would stop? Never is a very long time and I'll go out on a limb here and say that the answer is probably not (and I bet they most likely did not breastfeed for long anyways, if at all). Did these "experts"' actually have the experience of comforting their children to sleep for years only to find out that they had to continue this same ritual all throughout adolescence and then maybe were faced with the fearsome possibility of having to share a dorm room with their offspring in order to comfort them to sleep during the college years? I highly doubt it. How many kids have they actually known who were comforted without limits until they outgrew the need that actually displayed the horrendous outcomes they predict? I bet they haven't met any. And if they don't have the personal experience with the supposed bad outcomes from actually doing what they are warning against - how does their argument even hold any merit? It doesn't, because they really don't know. The scenarios they warn about are driven by their imaginations and fears, based on pedagogical theories not experience. I highly doubt that their "expert" advice is based on any clinical trials, either. What you are getting from them is a big, loud, obnoxious opinion with nothing real to back it up.
I highly doubt that they they have solid evidence behind these dire predictions because I happen to know from personal experience (and from knowing other parents with similar experiences) that if one does nothing (by which I mean one is not pro-active at all about trying to get the kid to go to sleep by himself, "sleep through the night", etc) but nurses the kids to sleep until they outgrow the need and also lets them bed-share for years and years that the kids do - lo and behold - eventually grow up, sleep the expected "through the night" ideal and actually want to have their own space. Really and truly your little limpet that seems as if she will never stray from your side (or breast!) will eventually sleep eight hour (or more!) stretches at a time. Not only that, but your child will eventually want their own sleep space in their own time. This could be at three or four years, it could be at twelve years. Heck if I know when that might be. Each child is unique and has their own biological rhythm so I can't say at what age this definitively occurs. I can only assure you that, indeed, it will.
I'll share my personal story because I do have experience following a more relaxed and natural course - I'm kind of on one of the far ends of the breastfeeding and bed-sharing nighttime continuum here in the U.S. (although I may not be at the very farthest end, believe it or not). I nursed each my two daughters for around six years. We have had all sorts of musical bed arrangements, child/adult bed-sharing the norm for us. My oldest daughter I gently weaned over time, but she still slept next to me to go to sleep even though she was weaned. My second daughter is the one with whom I have the experience of complete natural weaning with no encouragement or pressure from me; she nursed to sleep until just before her seventh birthday. For many years my kids were very frequent wakers (especially my oldest daughter, even after weaning). Eventually, all on their own by their own biological time-clocks, they slept longer and longer stretches; yes, my daughters do now "sleep through the night" - beautifully by the way - without any forcing at any time on our part. We have always had an open bed policy for our children - they are welcome into our family bed at any time. Yet they were very excited when we got bunk beds for their bedroom. My thirteen-year-old has been sleeping in her bunk for the last several years with only occasional visits to our room. I have noticed that in the last couple of years she has developed a really strong desire for her own space and a need for privacy; some nights she retires totally on her own and I have no idea she's gone to bed if she hasn't come to give me a kiss. This was not a goal - it just evolved over time. Kids really do grow up.
Now, I am in no way suggesting that anyone needs to nurse their kids until they are six plus years (that would be rather unrealistic, would it not?) - this just happened to unfold as part of my unique path which has allowed me to have a very full and varied experience of breastfeeding; and my kids happen to be on the far end of the nursing continuum (I wouldn't have believed anyone if they had told me I would nurse for that long and probably would have thought they were out of their mind if they had - in fact, when I first heard someone mentioning that their six-year-old still nursed when my first child was barely a year old I was completely disgusted; go figure.) I only share this experience with you because I am am sure many "experts" would have been shaking their heads and wagging their fingers with dire predictions for my daughters' future sleep habits, intellectual abilities and psychological soundness. Well, I am happy to report that all is more than well in our little household. My daughters have developed into loving, caring, intelligent and responsible human beings admired and well-loved by their peers and by other adults. So, I am glad I trusted my instincts and honored my daughters' needs.
Because I am a big believer in a mother following her instincts, I am not going to tell you exactly how you should put your kid to sleep, where your kid should sleep or how long to nurse, etc. I am not going to fill you with fear or dogma, but encourage you to follow your heart. Each family is unique with unique personalities, circumstances and needs. I do believe, though, that helping your child get to sleep can be found with methods that trust and respect the child and his needs. Methods that are gentle and loving. Actions that foster connection and positive communication. I think it helps for parents to know that it is absolutely normal for babies, young children and older children to want to be near their parents at night (and for babies and toddlers to want to nurse); there is nothing wrong with their child. Children are biologically wired to seek protection and safety during a time of vulnerability (of which sleeping is one.)
What really bothers and concerns me is that advisers abound who warn against comforting children to sleep and sharing sleep (these could be authors, sleep trainers, pediatricians, social workers, your mother-in-law or your neighbor); these same advisers like to point out how many hours a day a baby or child "should" sleep and give the impression that this type of sleep is to be solitary and achieved straight through like we expect of adults thereby inaccurately insinuating that your child has a "sleep problem" that needs to be "fixed." This is distorting facts. Babies do sleep a lot but at intervals throughout the day; babies are wired to want to sleep near their mothers and quite often will fall asleep after nursing - this is normal, not pathological. The wakeful sleep that infants have is also protective for their health as it may protect against SIDS. It is also normal for toddlers and young children to wake frequently at night and to seek the company of their parents (especially their mothers.) This is not pathological. There is nothing wrong with your child if your child is doing just as he was biologically designed. He will grow out of it. Truly. What is distorted are adult perceptions of what constitutes normal sleep for babies and children. The problem seems to be more one of attitude and ideology.
My blood especially boils when advisors use fear tactics to not only try to scare parents into not trusting their child's natural biological sleep patterns, but also to encourage parents to disengage from their child by ignoring their child's nighttime needs. Scaring parents from listening to their instincts and to their child's needs breaks positive and essential communication between the parent and child by undermining the very essence of healthy family relationships - trust, respect and love. I believe that we can trust our children when they tell us they need comforting to sleep and when they express their desire for our presence in the wee hours of the night. We can also respect their needs by finding a way to meet them. By doing this, we assure them that they are loved. We do not need to be afraid of love.
So does sleeping with your child create a bad habit? Well, let's put it this way: One man's trash is another man's treasure - or, it's all how you look at it. In our family, we are still very active in putting our youngest daughter to sleep. We still prepare her bath, brush and floss her teeth in the evening, read a story and lie next to her while she falls asleep. She wants us there while she falls asleep. I could view her desires as "manipulative"or as a "bad habit"; or I could just accept them at face value as her knowing what she needs to feel secure. Do I have to lie next to her to help her to fall asleep? No. I could just kiss her goodnight and stand firm that it's bed time right now and mommy has things to do. Actually, she's very understanding when I do have pressing things to do, but she prefers to have me or my husband there if at all possible. That's okay with us because we see how fleeting this time is. How this time is an opportunity to connect and bond with her. To find out secret dreams, listen to worries or hear confessions which seem to naturally arise during the moments before falling to sleep. My husband and I are very aware of how this time will one day not be there any more. We see it already with our adolescent - the time to connect in this specific way passes and that's it. That was your moment. So for us, no it's not a bad habit, but a wonderful good habit.
My life has been deeply enriched by meeting my daughters' nighttime needs. I understand my girls better and have a deeper connection with them because I chose to keep the lines of respect and communication open between us. My hope for other mothers and families is that they will trust their heart and trust their child. Children have all the information they need to grow well inside of them if we only would listen. We need listen during the day and we need to listen at night. This is a lot more work and sometimes inconvenient. But, in the end, our lives are made more whole by these experiences. They help give us wonderful relationships that are deep and rich as well as giving us precious memories to enjoy when our children grow beyond this time of intense need. Fear not the bad habit and doomsday predictions. Instead, enjoy the wonderful opportunity for creating a deep and lasting love in your life...
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
My Inner Compass: A Path to Thanks Giving
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| Photo credit: John - Heaven's Gate (Flickr) |
The frenzy of the holidays is now upon me. Today has been spent baking and cleaning as we prepare for Thanksgiving (the cleaning is no small task in our house; I am looking around in despair - was not this place somewhat cleaned up just two days ago? Aghhhh!) And the preparations always take much longer than I think they will take; I thought the kitchen would be clean already but I was blindsided by the amount of time the baking has taken. Right now I am avoiding a sink full of dishes to clean and dry (our dishwasher broke - should add an interesting component to the holiday.) This is the third round of dishes and pots and pans today. Ugh.
Despite all this, I am looking forward to the holiday. Thanksgiving has special meaning in our family. On my mother's side of the family, our ancestors came across on the Mayflower. One was the guy that fell overboard but managed to catch hold of some rope and got pulled back on board - good thing or I might not be here today. (The fact of his falling overboard is pretty exciting to our family as he is actually mentioned in books describing the incident.) His name was John Howland. He married fellow Mayflower passenger Elizabeth Tilley; they had ten children and eighty-eight grandchildren. I am trying to wrap my mind around those figures. They had more grandchildren than I had guests at my wedding. Wow. That also makes me distantly related to George W. Bush and Sarah Palin. Bummer.
I wonder what my ancestors thought and felt before they took this passage across the ocean to an unknown land. This was a dangerous journey to an "untamed" area - the New World. Such a journey required enduring known and unknown hardships culminating in trying to survive in a new environment with virtually nothing. This was an act that took enormous faith and courage. I think also an enormous trust in following one's instincts or heart. Stepping foot onto the Mayflower changed the course of their lives forever.
We all have different journeys that come up during the course our lives which hold the potential to transport us to a whole new realm of living and understanding. One of my most profound journeys began when I became pregnant with my first child. I stepped foot onto a path that would forever change who I was, what I thought and how I behaved. And yet, I did not know it at the time. I simply said, "Yes. I am taking this journey to a New World" without fully realizing what this New World would entail nor where it would take me.
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| Photo credit: Ryan G. Dickerson (Flickr) |
While I wasn't sure of specifics of how to get there, I did know where I wanted to go: I wanted the very best, most healthy start for my children; I wanted them to know how deeply they were loved; I wanted them to have a strong core sense of self which would offer them the best resilience to the obstacles that life would inevitably throw their way; I wanted them to have a solid understanding of who they were as individuals and a strong internal compass that would guide them well on their own journeys in life.
For me this journey started with an interest in natural childbirth - that was kindled accidentally by a neighbor who was studying the Bradley Method for her own birth. And one footstep down this path led to another and another. Desire for a natural childbirth led to an interest in breastfeeding; a little book called Twenty-Five Things Every New Mother Should Know led me to a La Leche League meeting (which was really unusual for me - I didn't really go to group things like that) which I loved; breastfeeding led me to the path of instinctive mothering - staying home with my children, carrying them or wearing them in a sling, bed-sharing (the crib became a really expensive clean laundry basket), and breastfeeding according to their need. I felt comfortable listening to and meeting my children's needs. Eventually my compass pointed unmistakably toward educating my girls at home. This definitely felt like a leap into the proverbial void - a journey like my ancestors into an unknown and unpredictable world.
These experiences have actually strengthened my internal compass. My intuition has become more finely tuned through mothering. My awareness of my relationships, of my environment and of all that is around me has grown. Listening to my internal compass has facilitated in me a stronger sense of self and self-confidence. I have become more focused. More aware. More loving in a conscious way. This came from following my own unique path. Acknowledging and honoring my internal guide. And then moving forward from there.
Along this path I have cultivated friendships with some of the most wonderful people I have ever met. I would not know these fine friends if not for this particular parenting journey. If I had parented in another manner, taken a different path, our lives would not have intersected. Certainly not on any deep level. I feel so very grateful for their presence in my life.
Along this path I have taken my husband. A bit unwilling at times. Sometimes kicking and screaming. At times the path I was pointing to seemed absolutely crazy to him. It did not look like his friends' paths. It did not look like our neighbors' paths. Yet, he can now see what a beautiful and rich place this journey has taken us to (and is still taking us.) And he has influenced the journey, too - especially during this time in our family life where he has really been trail-blazing with the girls by cultivating their interests and activities. He has become the head guide here; I am following along admiring the view.
Along this path I have experienced the deepest love I have ever known if my life, both with my children and with my husband. I have gained healing and self-confidence. I have grown in infinite ways that maybe I will never completely understand, but yet I feel like I know so much more than I ever did before I had children. This was all because I said, "Yes. Yes, I will go on a journey to a New World trusting my self, my partner and nature to provide for me all that I will need." How very grateful I feel for this journey, this path that is still unfolding before me.
For you, I hope you are approaching your own unique path with gusto, trust and openness. Follow your inner compass - your heart. It will lead you to the most exquisite and beautiful places. Go... and enjoy. Godspeed!
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| Photo credit: Donald Leetch (Flickr) |
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Safe Sleep Campaign Butchers Breastfeeding
So, breastfeeding got stabbed in the back this week with Milwaukee's launch of the new photos for its Safe Sleep Awareness Campaign. Perhaps you've seen the controversial photographs of babies sleeping in fluffy beds with big knives right next to them?
Gee, how subtle.
What I find particularly disturbing about this campaign is that by focusing on scaring people from co-sleeping the City of Milwaukee Health Department abdicates taking on the real issues contributing to infant deaths in their area. "Co-sleeping" is a easy scapegoat. Issues such as low rates of breastfeeding, alcohol and drug abuse, smoking, economic stress, poor pre-natal care, specifics of unsafe sleeping conditions, and lack of real support for mothers (especially single mothers) are swept aside. Instead, we get a one-size fits all blanket statement "Co-sleeping in a bed with your baby is as dangerous as your baby sleeping with a butcher's knife" = only a crazy, irresponsible parent would do that!
Really? This is the best solution they can come up with? How is this scare-tactic approach going to help mothers (and fathers) confronting the constant and relentless needs of their helpless infants? And it certainly does not aid the cause of increasing breastfeeding rates (which is a major public health concern) because breastfeeding success is intimately intertwined with infant nighttime needs. Simply put, babies are designed to breastfeed and they are also designed to wake frequently at night to nurse; this provides the best insurance for their growth and survival. Our babies are designed to sleep near their mothers.
Despite public health campaigns that promote crib sleeping for infants and malign bed-sharing, many mothers and babies end of sharing sleep at some point. This study investigates where babies in the U.S. really end up sleeping. When health care and government agencies fail to consider the very real needs of mothers and infants during the night, demonize bed-sharing and fail to educate parents about safe sleep conditions for bed-sharing they inadvertently put babies in greater danger. Desperate mothers in their attempt to avoid bed-sharing may accidentally fall asleep in far more dangerous places with their infants like arm chairs, rockers or sofas (which would still labeled as "co-sleeping" by our state agencies even though it's the very thing these moms are trying to avoid.)
Talk about co-sleeping invariably triggers strong emotional responses in people. In preparing to write this blog I got swept away reading people's emotion laden responses to this issue. When a baby dies, this is a heartbreaking tragedy; people rightly want to prevent this from happening. And when it comes to where babies sleep, people have strong feelings, partially from wanting to protect babies and partly from believing they know the "right way" that infants should sleep. I noticed people can be pretty judgmental about the whole thing.
The truth is we can't prevent all infant deaths - there is no absolute guarantee in any situation be it in an adult bed, a crib, a bassinet or a playpen. A mother whose infant dies in a crib is just as devastated as the mother whose baby dies in her arms or next to her. Each mother is going to wonder if she could have done something differently so that her baby could still be here. Each mother is doing her best to do the right thing. Somehow, though, society likes to point a more judgmental finger at the "co-sleeping" mom. I am not understanding the reason for this - this attitude is distinctly biased.
What would really be helpful for parents in order to decide where is the best and safest place for their infant to sleep is a good hard look at the science behind infant sleep and nighttime needs. And to give parents more accurate statistical risks of co-sleeping. We really aren't there yet as a society; misinformation abounds from popular parenting magazines and books to advice from medical caregivers. New parents are bombarded with messages that their infants should be "sleeping through the night" and often have absolutely no awareness of how normal and beneficial it is for babies to wake frequently at night. Babies wake at night frequently to nurse and to be near their mothers. This is normal. Really. And an honest and realistic discussion about what constitutes normal infant sleep and how families can meet their infant's needs is desperately needed.
Does this mean that mothers and babies have to bed-share? No. There are lots of possible sleeping arrangements, but many families are probably going to bed-share at some point even if it's just out of desperation to finally get some sleep one night. That's why anti-bed-sharing campaigns are not helpful and can even cause the very problems they are trying to stop. According to the health campaigns, this is a health issue, not a moral one, so let's really take a good look at the facts and reality. The issue is to prevent infant death by providing a safe sleeping environment. So, let's make sure sleep conditions are safe, but we also need to acknowledge the reality of infant nighttime needs.
With statements like this, "Infants may be brought into bed for nursing or comforting, but should be returned to their own safe space to sleep when the parent is ready to return to sleep," I have to truly wonder whether any of the staff at the Milwaukee Health Department are even parents who have ever cared for an infant. That statement just seems out of touch and unrealistic. The mother is the one who actually has to interact and care for her infant night after night after night after night; this care work is exhausting. Do you really think she isn't going to pass out from exhaustion at some point? Let's get real. Guidelines have got to be realistic and they've got to work. Since mothers will probably sleep with their infants at some point, let make sure everyone knows what the parameters are for safe co-sleeping or bed-sharing. That's being realistic.
And one of the ways we can make sharing sleep more safe in addition to spelling out the specifics of safe bed-sharing is by promoting, supporting and protecting breastfeeding. We really need to do more to make sure mothers and infants are able to breastfeed successfully and support this symbiotic and essential relationship. Breastfeeding is one of the major contributing factors towards preventing infant death.
In this Fox News story, "Is Sleeping with Your Infant Right or Wrong?", we see the Milwaukee Health Department's prior approach before the baby and knife photos with the same campaign using a headstone for the headboard bearing the same message - uh, it didn't really work the first round and if they are not addressing the real concerns (like not breastfeeding and how to safely meet an infant's needs) then I really don't see how it's going to have more success this time. The idea of making bed-sharing illegal strikes me as a truly frightening prospect; and warped, too - yeah, that's right, make breastfeeding next to impossible, continue policies that perpetuate a complete lack of support for families and then prosecute them when they are just trying to meet their baby's needs. Scary.
Families need support. Mothers especially need support. They need help making breastfeeding a success with public health and social policies that truly make nursing their infants possible. Not scare tactics, but real information and support services to help them make the decisions that are in the best interest of their family.
What I find particularly disturbing about this campaign is that by focusing on scaring people from co-sleeping the City of Milwaukee Health Department abdicates taking on the real issues contributing to infant deaths in their area. "Co-sleeping" is a easy scapegoat. Issues such as low rates of breastfeeding, alcohol and drug abuse, smoking, economic stress, poor pre-natal care, specifics of unsafe sleeping conditions, and lack of real support for mothers (especially single mothers) are swept aside. Instead, we get a one-size fits all blanket statement "Co-sleeping in a bed with your baby is as dangerous as your baby sleeping with a butcher's knife" = only a crazy, irresponsible parent would do that!
Really? This is the best solution they can come up with? How is this scare-tactic approach going to help mothers (and fathers) confronting the constant and relentless needs of their helpless infants? And it certainly does not aid the cause of increasing breastfeeding rates (which is a major public health concern) because breastfeeding success is intimately intertwined with infant nighttime needs. Simply put, babies are designed to breastfeed and they are also designed to wake frequently at night to nurse; this provides the best insurance for their growth and survival. Our babies are designed to sleep near their mothers.
Despite public health campaigns that promote crib sleeping for infants and malign bed-sharing, many mothers and babies end of sharing sleep at some point. This study investigates where babies in the U.S. really end up sleeping. When health care and government agencies fail to consider the very real needs of mothers and infants during the night, demonize bed-sharing and fail to educate parents about safe sleep conditions for bed-sharing they inadvertently put babies in greater danger. Desperate mothers in their attempt to avoid bed-sharing may accidentally fall asleep in far more dangerous places with their infants like arm chairs, rockers or sofas (which would still labeled as "co-sleeping" by our state agencies even though it's the very thing these moms are trying to avoid.)
Talk about co-sleeping invariably triggers strong emotional responses in people. In preparing to write this blog I got swept away reading people's emotion laden responses to this issue. When a baby dies, this is a heartbreaking tragedy; people rightly want to prevent this from happening. And when it comes to where babies sleep, people have strong feelings, partially from wanting to protect babies and partly from believing they know the "right way" that infants should sleep. I noticed people can be pretty judgmental about the whole thing.
The truth is we can't prevent all infant deaths - there is no absolute guarantee in any situation be it in an adult bed, a crib, a bassinet or a playpen. A mother whose infant dies in a crib is just as devastated as the mother whose baby dies in her arms or next to her. Each mother is going to wonder if she could have done something differently so that her baby could still be here. Each mother is doing her best to do the right thing. Somehow, though, society likes to point a more judgmental finger at the "co-sleeping" mom. I am not understanding the reason for this - this attitude is distinctly biased.
What would really be helpful for parents in order to decide where is the best and safest place for their infant to sleep is a good hard look at the science behind infant sleep and nighttime needs. And to give parents more accurate statistical risks of co-sleeping. We really aren't there yet as a society; misinformation abounds from popular parenting magazines and books to advice from medical caregivers. New parents are bombarded with messages that their infants should be "sleeping through the night" and often have absolutely no awareness of how normal and beneficial it is for babies to wake frequently at night. Babies wake at night frequently to nurse and to be near their mothers. This is normal. Really. And an honest and realistic discussion about what constitutes normal infant sleep and how families can meet their infant's needs is desperately needed.
Does this mean that mothers and babies have to bed-share? No. There are lots of possible sleeping arrangements, but many families are probably going to bed-share at some point even if it's just out of desperation to finally get some sleep one night. That's why anti-bed-sharing campaigns are not helpful and can even cause the very problems they are trying to stop. According to the health campaigns, this is a health issue, not a moral one, so let's really take a good look at the facts and reality. The issue is to prevent infant death by providing a safe sleeping environment. So, let's make sure sleep conditions are safe, but we also need to acknowledge the reality of infant nighttime needs.
 |
| Photo and sculpture: JeanetteRansing (Flickr) |
With statements like this, "Infants may be brought into bed for nursing or comforting, but should be returned to their own safe space to sleep when the parent is ready to return to sleep," I have to truly wonder whether any of the staff at the Milwaukee Health Department are even parents who have ever cared for an infant. That statement just seems out of touch and unrealistic. The mother is the one who actually has to interact and care for her infant night after night after night after night; this care work is exhausting. Do you really think she isn't going to pass out from exhaustion at some point? Let's get real. Guidelines have got to be realistic and they've got to work. Since mothers will probably sleep with their infants at some point, let make sure everyone knows what the parameters are for safe co-sleeping or bed-sharing. That's being realistic.
And one of the ways we can make sharing sleep more safe in addition to spelling out the specifics of safe bed-sharing is by promoting, supporting and protecting breastfeeding. We really need to do more to make sure mothers and infants are able to breastfeed successfully and support this symbiotic and essential relationship. Breastfeeding is one of the major contributing factors towards preventing infant death.
In this Fox News story, "Is Sleeping with Your Infant Right or Wrong?", we see the Milwaukee Health Department's prior approach before the baby and knife photos with the same campaign using a headstone for the headboard bearing the same message - uh, it didn't really work the first round and if they are not addressing the real concerns (like not breastfeeding and how to safely meet an infant's needs) then I really don't see how it's going to have more success this time. The idea of making bed-sharing illegal strikes me as a truly frightening prospect; and warped, too - yeah, that's right, make breastfeeding next to impossible, continue policies that perpetuate a complete lack of support for families and then prosecute them when they are just trying to meet their baby's needs. Scary.
Families need support. Mothers especially need support. They need help making breastfeeding a success with public health and social policies that truly make nursing their infants possible. Not scare tactics, but real information and support services to help them make the decisions that are in the best interest of their family.
To simply admonish parents not to sleep with their infants, ever, under any circumstances, is unrealistic, quite possibly unethical, and does not provide the optimum in nutrition and sleep physiology. Morgan et al. JOGNN 2006; 35: 685-691Amen.
Friday, October 14, 2011
The Importance of Being Vulnerable
I've been wanting to share this video with you . I just love this talk. Plus, I had no idea someone could even do this kind of work for a living! Sounds good to me...
There are so many things I would love to write about from Brene Brown's talk, but for this post I am just going to focus on what she said was the crux of what separated wholehearted persons from regular folks (at least regular folks here in the Western world, I'm thinking) - Brene identified the variable which separates the wholehearted from the rest of the crowd as this: wholehearted persons believe that they are worthy of love and belonging.
Wow. I think we need a moment to really absorb the profundity of that statement. The wholehearted possess a deep sense of worthiness and a strong sense of love and belonging. Does that statement make you want to cry? I feel like crying. The sad fact is that so many Americans struggle with something as basic as their feelings of worthiness. This doesn't happen in all cultures. I am remembering a statement from one of Jack Kornfield's books that said when he was training with the Buddhist monks they were perplexed by this particular (and peculiar to them) state of struggle/unworthiness - it didn't exist is their communities
Whoa. Okay. Let's just sit with that for a moment. It's not just a fact of life that everyone struggles with unworthiness. This develops somehow. There is some type of cultural difference the allows for the development of this negative state among its people.
This is a complex issue with more than one source. But I want to get back to the basics - the building blocks so to speak. In Traditional cultures, mother and baby pairs have natural births, breastfeed and remain in close contact with each other day and night. Breastfeeding goes on for several years (world-wide average is 4.5 years and that includes our crummy U.S. statistics.) A baby's dependance and need for his mother is generally understood as a normal development and to be expected of babies and toddlers. Closeness and community are encouraged.
In the U.S. distance is encouraged from the beginning. Our highly medicalized births rely on technology and many mothers feel a distrust of their bodies as if they were machines that might malfunction at any moment; mothers and babies are more likely to be separated in a hospital birthing scenario. Immediately after the baby is born everyone's asking and joking about whether the baby is "sleeping through the night." Babies are expected to sleep away from their mothers in cribs. Bottles and pacifiers are culturally accepted and preferred over the natural state of breastfeeding, especially in public. Mothers in the workforce have virtually no support in the workplace with pathetic maternity leaves that barely give enough time for these mothers to even get their milk supplies established, much less for them to even enjoy breastfeeding and their relationships with their infants. Parents are encouraged to leave their infants for "date night" before the baby is barely out of the newborn period in order to assure the "strength" of their marriage/relationship. I could go on and on, but I think you get my drift.
Brene states that the underpinning for this sense of worthiness of love and belonging is rooted in vulnerability. That those who are wholehearted embrace their vulnerability as beautiful and necessary. She says that the state of vulnerability is what allows us to be seen, really seen.
Humans are at their most vulnerable state in infancy. For a more in depth explanation of this concept, I like this article which explains the biological reasons for a baby's vulnerability and what his needs are: The Science of Attachment: The Biological Roots of Love A baby is unable to regulate his own self and relies on his mother for regulation of his body and his emotions. He relies on his mother for nourishment. He has absolutely no concept of his separateness from the mother in the beginning - at this stage he truly is one with the world. His concept of himself as a separate being develops over time and even when he develops this awareness of himself as separate from his mother, he still needs her to help him regulate himself. He cannot meet his own needs. Human babies are in fact very dependent for a long time.
A baby can only try to get his needs met by communicating with his facial expressions, body language and cries. Something is not right, something feels funny - baby communicates. Is mother there? Is she responding? Is he really being seen? But the mother holds the cards of power in her ability to respond or not to his needs. Responding to her infant and helping him reach a balanced state based on his needs and his cues creates in the infant this sense of worthiness - this sense of love and belonging. This is the time to do it - in the early years - to build in the child, this incredible human being, these blocks of self-worth because it really is a more difficult job later on (if even possible.) This happens by respecting and responding to the little one's needs, by embracing his dependance and by mother being there.
And I think that this togetherness is essential for the mother in fortifying her sense of self-worth, too. She is the center of her baby's universe. She is the essential one. It is through her that her baby is nourished and satisfied. Baby thrives due to this interdependence with his mother. What some women are afraid will undermine their autonomy and independence, thinking (wrongly perhaps) that yielding to an infant's unrelenting needs may weaken their own sense of self - this act of complete giving is in fact empowering. When a mother experiences her body's ability to care for and nourish her infant - well, Breastfeeding Makes You a Mama Bear! Mama gets her grrrrrrrroove.
Mothering through breastfeeding is also an opportunity for healing and for strengthening our own sense of ourselves. I firmly believe it is a second chance for those of us who did not get the strongest building blocks in our own infancies. Sometimes it brings up painful feelings, but by working through the discomfort in the end we come out stronger. And we also get the amazing opportunity to create strong selves in our babies and children. To relish their wholeheartedness. How can we not feel gratified by that? It's a worthy goal.
There are so many things I would love to write about from Brene Brown's talk, but for this post I am just going to focus on what she said was the crux of what separated wholehearted persons from regular folks (at least regular folks here in the Western world, I'm thinking) - Brene identified the variable which separates the wholehearted from the rest of the crowd as this: wholehearted persons believe that they are worthy of love and belonging.
Wow. I think we need a moment to really absorb the profundity of that statement. The wholehearted possess a deep sense of worthiness and a strong sense of love and belonging. Does that statement make you want to cry? I feel like crying. The sad fact is that so many Americans struggle with something as basic as their feelings of worthiness. This doesn't happen in all cultures. I am remembering a statement from one of Jack Kornfield's books that said when he was training with the Buddhist monks they were perplexed by this particular (and peculiar to them) state of struggle/unworthiness - it didn't exist is their communities
Whoa. Okay. Let's just sit with that for a moment. It's not just a fact of life that everyone struggles with unworthiness. This develops somehow. There is some type of cultural difference the allows for the development of this negative state among its people.
 |
| Photo by Luca.gargano |
In the U.S. distance is encouraged from the beginning. Our highly medicalized births rely on technology and many mothers feel a distrust of their bodies as if they were machines that might malfunction at any moment; mothers and babies are more likely to be separated in a hospital birthing scenario. Immediately after the baby is born everyone's asking and joking about whether the baby is "sleeping through the night." Babies are expected to sleep away from their mothers in cribs. Bottles and pacifiers are culturally accepted and preferred over the natural state of breastfeeding, especially in public. Mothers in the workforce have virtually no support in the workplace with pathetic maternity leaves that barely give enough time for these mothers to even get their milk supplies established, much less for them to even enjoy breastfeeding and their relationships with their infants. Parents are encouraged to leave their infants for "date night" before the baby is barely out of the newborn period in order to assure the "strength" of their marriage/relationship. I could go on and on, but I think you get my drift.
Brene states that the underpinning for this sense of worthiness of love and belonging is rooted in vulnerability. That those who are wholehearted embrace their vulnerability as beautiful and necessary. She says that the state of vulnerability is what allows us to be seen, really seen.
 |
| Photo by tacticdesigns |
 |
| Photo by Kim+5 |
A baby can only try to get his needs met by communicating with his facial expressions, body language and cries. Something is not right, something feels funny - baby communicates. Is mother there? Is she responding? Is he really being seen? But the mother holds the cards of power in her ability to respond or not to his needs. Responding to her infant and helping him reach a balanced state based on his needs and his cues creates in the infant this sense of worthiness - this sense of love and belonging. This is the time to do it - in the early years - to build in the child, this incredible human being, these blocks of self-worth because it really is a more difficult job later on (if even possible.) This happens by respecting and responding to the little one's needs, by embracing his dependance and by mother being there.
And I think that this togetherness is essential for the mother in fortifying her sense of self-worth, too. She is the center of her baby's universe. She is the essential one. It is through her that her baby is nourished and satisfied. Baby thrives due to this interdependence with his mother. What some women are afraid will undermine their autonomy and independence, thinking (wrongly perhaps) that yielding to an infant's unrelenting needs may weaken their own sense of self - this act of complete giving is in fact empowering. When a mother experiences her body's ability to care for and nourish her infant - well, Breastfeeding Makes You a Mama Bear! Mama gets her grrrrrrrroove.
Mothering through breastfeeding is also an opportunity for healing and for strengthening our own sense of ourselves. I firmly believe it is a second chance for those of us who did not get the strongest building blocks in our own infancies. Sometimes it brings up painful feelings, but by working through the discomfort in the end we come out stronger. And we also get the amazing opportunity to create strong selves in our babies and children. To relish their wholeheartedness. How can we not feel gratified by that? It's a worthy goal.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Breastfeeding Makes You a Mama Bear!
Are you a Mama Bear? Grrrrrrrrrrrr.
New research shows that exclusively breastfeeding mothers are more likely to be protective of their infants than mothers who formula-feed or non-mothers. And, while defending themselves and their babes, these exclusively breastfeeding mothers keep their blood pressure down to boot. Here are two links about the study that I like:
http://newsroom.ucla.edu/portal/ucla/like-mama-bears-nursing-mothers-213692.aspx
http://blogs.babycenter.com/mom_stories/9-2-2011-lactating-moms-react-with-more-aggression/
Let me say, I am not surprised. Breastfeeding moms are biologically different from formula-feeding mothers. Breastfeeding mothers respond to their infants with their whole body - a nursing mother has a strong instinct to respond to her infant's cue and cries by picking him up and nursing her baby at her breast. She doesn't need to think about this - unless culture gets in the way. The old "You'll spoil your baby" routine. Nursing mothers have good, strong instincts - let's encourage this. Protecting your baby and looking out for his survival is a good thing. Biological connection is essential for infant well-being.
These articles also make me think about how these specific hormonal changes that make mothers more aggressive could also contribute to mothers possibly feeling more empowered. I know this was my experience with mothering through breastfeeding. I believe that successful breastfeeding contributes to a strong sense of self for many women. Mothers gain confidence as they learn to respond to their baby and trust in their body's ability to nourish him physically, emotionally and mentally. The mother is all the baby really needs and wants. She is the essential one. She is irreplaceable. Formula makes it seem like the mother can be replaced. That someone else can substitute. No, they can't. Really. How can you not feel confident if you know that you are the only one who can meet your baby's needs the way you can by breastfeeding? It's incredible.
This is why it is so crucial to make sure women are given the support they need to successfully nurse their infants. We have a lot of work to do to make sure this can happen as a society. Formula-feeding mothers can be loving and protective mothers, of course - it's just a lot harder. No biology working for them. They've got to think about it because there are not built-in mechanisms that foster bonding and a protective attitude. Mothering is hard enough as it is - let's not make it any harder.
 |
| Photo courtesy of Harrynl at Flickr |
New research shows that exclusively breastfeeding mothers are more likely to be protective of their infants than mothers who formula-feed or non-mothers. And, while defending themselves and their babes, these exclusively breastfeeding mothers keep their blood pressure down to boot. Here are two links about the study that I like:
http://newsroom.ucla.edu/portal/ucla/like-mama-bears-nursing-mothers-213692.aspx
http://blogs.babycenter.com/mom_stories/9-2-2011-lactating-moms-react-with-more-aggression/
Let me say, I am not surprised. Breastfeeding moms are biologically different from formula-feeding mothers. Breastfeeding mothers respond to their infants with their whole body - a nursing mother has a strong instinct to respond to her infant's cue and cries by picking him up and nursing her baby at her breast. She doesn't need to think about this - unless culture gets in the way. The old "You'll spoil your baby" routine. Nursing mothers have good, strong instincts - let's encourage this. Protecting your baby and looking out for his survival is a good thing. Biological connection is essential for infant well-being.
These articles also make me think about how these specific hormonal changes that make mothers more aggressive could also contribute to mothers possibly feeling more empowered. I know this was my experience with mothering through breastfeeding. I believe that successful breastfeeding contributes to a strong sense of self for many women. Mothers gain confidence as they learn to respond to their baby and trust in their body's ability to nourish him physically, emotionally and mentally. The mother is all the baby really needs and wants. She is the essential one. She is irreplaceable. Formula makes it seem like the mother can be replaced. That someone else can substitute. No, they can't. Really. How can you not feel confident if you know that you are the only one who can meet your baby's needs the way you can by breastfeeding? It's incredible.
This is why it is so crucial to make sure women are given the support they need to successfully nurse their infants. We have a lot of work to do to make sure this can happen as a society. Formula-feeding mothers can be loving and protective mothers, of course - it's just a lot harder. No biology working for them. They've got to think about it because there are not built-in mechanisms that foster bonding and a protective attitude. Mothering is hard enough as it is - let's not make it any harder.
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